|
bye bye!!
(fri, 05*02*03)
Time to move on . . . new stuff and the sort. If there's a need for you to know more, I'll tell you. Now for a very addictive song, heehee. ^^
La la la la la la . . .
I thought a little bit of you today
Look how I fancied up myself for you
So look a little bit at me today
You know you gotta try a little harder
So you can be m-m-m-my darlin'!
Smile a little smile
Let's enjoy the moment now
and just have a good time!
(A good time!)
Try it baby, good!
Just a little bit of love
is gonna feel so fine.
Is it really true that you feel the same
way too and hope we'll be together?
Now you know that I love you! Love you!
Love you love you love you!
Love you! Love you!
Love you love you love you!
When I'm sitting thinking of
(Wa wa wa)
The funny word we call love
(Wa wa wa)
I still don't think of you at first
My family still comes above
(Woo!)
If you wanna capture me
(Wa wa wa)
It's as simple as can be!
(Wa wa wa)
Mr. Lennon said it, all you need is
Mr. Lennon said it, all you need is
Mr. Lennon said it, all you need is love,
my love, my love my love my love!
My love, my love, my love my love my love!!
"war . . . what is it good for??"
(fri, 03*21*03)
My government class and I were watching the news about Iraq today. Then a classmate of mine asked me if I supported the war. Wow . . . what a big question. I told him that I didn't know. And that's the honest truth. I've been listening to both sides of this war and I just can't choose one to stand by.
What I do know is that I support the people of the military. They don't have a choice . . . going to Iraq and all. They recieve orders and must follow them. How scary that must be. The people of the many branches are protecting us, whether or not everyone believes that this war should be in existance.
Some people have gotten so carried away with their protesting that they have forgotten who are making sure that their precious country is safe. Then again, there are far too many blood thirsty beings out there that are just looking for an amusing light show. Yeah . . . this is why I can't choose.
But, as I've said before, I give all my support to the people of the military.
mistress . . . this one's for you
(sat, 03*08*03)
Copacabana (At The Copa)
By: Barry Manilow
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor,
they worked from eight 'til four
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?
At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa .... they fell in love
His name was Rico, he wore a diamond
He was escorted to his chair,
He saw Lola dancin' there
And when she finished, he called her over
But Rico went a bit too far,
Tony sailed across the bar
And then the punches flew
And chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who?
At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa .... she lost her love
Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was thirty years ago,
When they used to have a show
Now it's a disco, but not for Lola
Still in the dress she used to wear,
Faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined,
And drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony
Now she's lost her mind!
At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa .... don't fall in love
Don't fall in love
music therapy
(mon, 03*03*03)
Radio is my friend . . .
Lonely People
By America
This is for all the lonely people
Thinking that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
And ride that highway in the sky
This is for all the single people
Thinking that love has left them dry
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
You never know until you try
Well, I'm on my way
Yes, I'm back to stay
Well, I'm on my way back home
This is for all the lonely people
Thinking that life has passed them by
Don't give up until you drink from the silver cup
And never take you down or never give you up
You never know until you try
and so . . . she snaps
(thurs, 02*27*03)
Slammed the front door shut when I got home today. Anger . . . damned people . . . crappy life . . . screw it all.
Why does everyone keep asking me if something's wrong?? Nothing's wrong . . . I'm so fucking happy!! Happy happy happy!! I love the fact that school's being a bitch, I enjoy spending my time talking about insignificant things with people, I just couldn't live without allergies and, most of all, my day wouldn't be complete without some sort of depressing thought dropping by for a visit. So, yeah, my life is perfect. I wouldn't change a thing.
let it snow!! let it snow!! let it snow!!
(tues, 02*11*03)
It snowed today. That never fails. Every single birthday I’ve had it either rains or snows. It may be a light sprinkle or a thunderstorm, but it always happens. Laura says that the weather always ruins my birthdays, that’s her opinion, but I could never agree with her.
We were coming home from dinner tonight when that snowstorm hit. I loved it. There’s just something so astonishing about large batches of snow descending from the sky. Dad didn’t like it much . . . since he was the one driving home. A couple of times the wind blew the snow in such thick masses that we couldn’t see five feet in front of the car. Twice, the wind nearly pushed the car into a ditch. I’m glad that didn’t happen, but it would’ve been fun. When we did arrive back home, I was so excited about the snow. I jumped around in it in the backyard, nearly fell up the stairs and dropped a snowball on the cat. Good times.
blah, blah, and more blah
(mon, 02*10*03)
Icky . . . that’s what I feel. I came to school early to review for the Pre-Calc quiz and almost puked in the classroom. Now I have that gurglely stomach feeling.
On a lighter note, since my grandparents came down to visit yesterday there’s a lot of junk food in my house. (For some reason, my grandma always insists on bringing bags of snacks for me and Laura whenever she stops by . . . mua ha ha!! . . . spoiledness!!) Yay for tasty treats!! Bleh for sickness!!
Whenever I look at the kitchen table, at the large assortment of snacks, I feel as though they are mocking me. I am tempted to eat them, but know that what would happen after would be unpleasant. Ahh!!
In conclusion, this is one special day.
mmm . . . lyrics . . .
(sat, 02*04*03)
Torn
By Natalie Imbruglia
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm,
He came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know,
Don't seem to care
What your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on,
Nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late,
I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck,
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch,
I'm torn
I'm all out of faith,
this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late,
I'm already torn
Torn
There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on,
Nothings right, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see
The perfect sky is torn
I'm all out of faith,
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late,
I'm already torn
Torn . . .
once upon a time there was a girl who lived with her happy family and still felt like crap . . .
(fri, 01*31*03)
Lately I’ve been having this obscure feeling within me. It’s a little depressing and not at all pleasant to have. It’s almost as if I don't feel loved, but not that serious.
Just wait a second . . . here me out before you compose those preachy e-mails.
I know that I am loved, I just don't feel it anymore.
How funny is that? Yeah, I'm told that I am loved every single waking day of my life. Multiple times a day. (Especially from my parents) And now, those words just don't stay. They somehow drift away with nothing more than a second's time once they are spoken.
Maybe it's the repetition that disturbs me. The use of "I love you" has become so common, so very casual to me that it doesn't mean much.
Once I thought that I could forget about this, make myself believe that I didn’t have such a bothersome emotion. But I can’t.
What a shame. I wish life could be less agitating.
make it stop!!
(sat, 01*25*03)
God doesn't seem to show mercy when it is really needed. I've been told that He loves us all. Then why is God's love shown through pain?? Or is pain a time in which God's love is absent?? I don't understand. Isn't love eternal, unbroken?? I can't comprehend why God's love is lacking or so strangely shown.
Remember when I mentioned my neighbors' daughter having cancer-related problems?? She passed away two days ago. I'm affected by this even though I never met her. Maybe this is too close to home. I just hurt. But I know that my neighbors and their family are hurting so much more. Tomorrow, Mama is going to bring them flowers . . . something living?? Perhaps a little hope and happiness in such a dark, twisted world.
battle within
(sat, 01*18*03)
Me: "Hello."
Group: "Hi!!"
Me: "My name is Anna and-"
Group: "Hi Anna!!"
Me: "As I was saying . . . I'm Anna and I have a problem. I-"
Random Person 1: "Drink??"
Me: "No."
Random Person 2: "Smoke??"
Me: "No."
Random Person 1.5: "Like cheese??"
Me: "No. I mean yes. Gah . . . That's not the point"
Random Person 1.5: "But you do like cheese, right??"
Me: "Yes."
Random Person 1.5: "Great!! Continue . . ."
Me: o.O" . . . "Okay. My problem is that I'm not very social."
Random Person 3: "And??"
Me: "And it bugs me."
Random Person 2: "Why??"
Me: "Because I don't like to go out often or be in big groups of people for too long."
Random Person 1: "So??"
Me: "Isn't that kinda backwards for a teen??"
Random Person 1: "Yeah, I guess it is."
Random Person 3: "What's with your anti-socialism??"
Me: "I'm just, I don't know, scared."
Random Person 3: *laughs*
Me: "It's not funny!!"
Random Person 3: "Sure it is. You're gonna let some little fear take so much control over you. Everyone gets uncomfortable at some time when they're in a stressful situation."
Me: "But it's not a little fear. It's a damned huge fear."
Random Person 3: "Oh."
Random Person 2: "Why is it so huge??"
Me: "Because it just is. Have you ever had something happen to you and you can't explain why??"
Random Person 2: "Nope, can't say I have."
Me: "Okay . . ."
Random Person 1.5: "You positive you like cheese??"
Me: "Yes!! What's with the cheese??"
Random Person 1.5: "I like cheese."
Me: "That's nice."
Random Person 4: "It's okay to be scared."
Me: "Really??"
Random Person 4: "Yes. But you've taken it one step too far."
Me: "I can't help it."
Random Person 4: "I figured this much."
Me: "Well thanks for the big bout of confidence."
Random Person 4: "Now I didn't mean it that way. I'm only saying that it's pretty obvious . . . what you've done, and will probably continue doing."
Me: "Ah, well, that's just the way life is."
germ-infested facility
(fri, 01*10*03)
The first week back to school after a break is deadly. Teachers think you remember everything but you really don’t remember anything. - -”
I got some sickness. I blame school!! I was all fine and healthy ‘til Tuesday. And poor Courtney, I think she’s got it too, only worse off than me. I hope you feel better soon!! ^^
Then there are finals to worry about. Oh joy . . . Next week is when my brain will explode. Seriously. And what’s up with having to stay after school to finish the English final?? Aahhh!!
Enough of my complaining . . .
I’ve got three scholarship essays written. Yay!! I think I’ve got one more to do by February 1st and the rest are due some time in March. ^^” But it’s worth the pain now if I actually get the scholarships. I want to take all of their money . . . mua ha ha!!
dedication
(sun, 01*05*03)
"Tears in Heaven"
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way
Through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you beggin' please
Beggin' please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
go figure . . .
(tues, 12*31*02)
needles and fluoride
(sat, 12*28*02)
Two days in a row . . . jeez, life sucks.
Yesterday I went to the hospital to get my shot record so I could send a copy of it to my college room and board stuff to NIU. Well, I was one shot short of the requirement. I was very, very upset because needles scare the living crap out of me. Really, I nearly cried when the nurse pulled the needle out and filled it with the medication. I was so freaked out that my mom had to hold my hand before I began to relax. The shot itself didn't hurt but half and hour later the area of my arm around where the shot was started to become sore. On top of it all my mom kept on poking where I was sore (she found it amusing to watch me jump as she touched my arm). - -" Thanks a lot . . .
Today my family and I went to the dentist. No cavaties . . . yay!! But the dentist scraped my teeth really hard with the metal pick thing multiple times, occasionally scratching my gums, and because of that I started to bleed. That didn't bother me too much until I could taste it. Yuckie. I was about to strangle her but realized that wouldn't have been too nice.
cheers!!^^
(wed, 12*25*02)
Happy Christmas!!
I hope you all have had a great day. I've been playing DDRMAX with Laura (I beat her so easily. Mua ha ha ^^), watching LOTR (Legolas . . .) and scaring the Demon. When Demon gets all doped up with Catnip he becomes very jumpy. Revenge!!
I miss you all so much!! Can't wait to see you guys again. ^^
elves on the big screen ^^
(sat, 12*21*02)
![[i'm arwen!]](http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/xirculo/arwen.jpg)
I am Arwen Undomiel, daughter of Elrond and Celebrian of Rivendell. I gave up my immortality for love, but it was for the hottest Ranger-King of Middle Earth. In the movie, I'm played by Liv Tyler.
|| Which Lord of the Rings Elf are you? @ Xirculo.com ||
Take the What Cookie Are You? test by Ley
Take the Which Madonna Video Are You? Quiz
Human Wannabe
What character from a creepy anime are you?
The cat in the background of Trigun.
Find out what secondary animated character you are.
What Anime Critter are You?
late night bubble-filling
(sat, 12*20*02)
Take the Affliction Test Today!
What kind of drunk are you?
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
test by Leanne
which CCS character are you?
Stalk bunnywunny_~!
dream poem
(sat, 12*14*02)
I woke up this morning and couldn't really remember the dream I was having. I mean, I remember the main events, just not the details. I also know that it disturbed me and out of this, a poem emerged (not my best stuff, but it was too early in the day to care).
Accident
She followed in,
That's nothing new.
A touch of sin
And then it grew.
That night she gave
All that she could.
(Forsake the wait!)
She thought she could.
A scream, a plead,
It would not end.
Infernal need
Caused her to bend.
When she woke to
A foreign room,
Right then she knew
Of dire doom.
Regret; too late
To take it back.
She's in a state
Where faith does lack.
multiply by two
(thur, 12*05*02)
part one: river droplets
One my way home from school I saw Mama talking to out next door neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Cole. I didn’t think much of it; they talk to each other a lot. I also noticed that our mailbox was up (those evil snow-plowers knocked it over). A few minutes after I entered the house, Mama came in. She looked at me very seriously, not like I was in trouble, but that I needed to pay close attention to what she was about to say. So I did. Mama told me that the Cole’s daughter just passed away due to cancer, the kind Mama had. The only difference is that their daughter’s progressed to quickly for medication to be of any use. Also, Mr. Cole has frequently been hospitalized this past month and a half with, I believe, heart related problems. I’m sure this is a tough time for their family. Even if I’m not directly related to them, I feel so close to Mr. and Mrs. Cole because they’re nice, caring and fun to talk to. And through all the difficulties they are going through, I found out that it was Mr. Cole who put our mailbox back up. I nearly cried as I absorbed all of this in. I don’t get why they have to suffer with all of this, especially so close to the holidays. Mama and I both agreed that there really isn’t much we can do, except be there to do whatever Mr. and Mrs. Cole might need help with. We told them that and they thanked us. But I really wish I could do more.
part two: being selfish :P
Bleh. I just found that I’m busy all weekend. That blows ‘cause I need some me-time. I think I need to get out of all the crap I’m going through concerning school/stupid people/family/etc. before I snap. ^^
Here it goes . . . Mama’s going for an interview Friday evening, so I gotta stay home and watch Laura. On Saturday, it’ll be time to clean house in the morning then do homework in the afternoon. Gotta have dinner earlier than usual cause Daddy and I are starting our volunteer work at five p.m. at OLH until whenever it ends. Then I wake up early Sunday morning to finish volunteering. I think that ends at one or two p.m. When I go home, guess what?, it’s time to work on those damned scholarships for a couple of hours (deadlines are approaching!!). But when I finish that it’ll be late Sunday afternoon or even evening. Yeah, that’s “too late to go out”, especially since it’s a designated school night.
I haven’t had any me-time for nearly two months now . . . grrrr . . . Next weekend will be different. I will get out of the house and somewhere with my buddies. Yay!! I dunno with who or what we’ll be doing. If everyone else is busy next weekend, maybe I’ll just take Laura outside with me and throw snowballs at her to relieve myself. Heeheehee!!
the rest of my week . . .
(wed, 11*27*02)
Wed - Go to Gurnee Mills after school and apply for jobs (waahhh!! I don’t want to do that, but it’s necessary.) When I come back home, it’ll be time to get stuff prepared for the massive chaotic time in the kitchen the next day.
Thurs – Clean, cook, homework, cook, clean, cook, eat (yay!! ^^)
Fri – SLEEP!! (I’m gonna gets lots of rest so I won’t be sicky anymore. ^^)
Sat – Hopefully go out with Teffie and whoever else (This is very iffy, but just might happen so that we can get out of the house. By Sat, I’ll already have spent two whole days alone with my family and I think I need a break from that.)
Sun – I dunno. Most likely I’ll just be lazy and not do much. Hurray for laziness!!
park backwards is . . .
(fri, 11*22*02)
Today I went on my first after-school fieldtrip. It was great!! The kids in foreign language classes were invited to go the Folk Fair (located somewhere near Milwaukee). My friend Robin and her mom also went. Joy!! On the bus ride there Robin and I kept busy by quoting Simpsons stuff, talking about Atomic Ducks and reading words backwards just because we wanted to. ^^ When we finally arrived at the Folk Fair I was excited, in addition to being hungry. But all was good cause Robin, her mom and I went straight to the food booths. I got chicken curry from Thailand. Yummy!! Later into the night I had some sort of Korean seasoned beef that I split with Robin. I got to see many types of folk dances like from the Czech Republic, Spain, Hawaii and Russia. It was cool that in each booth the people were wearing the authentic clothing from that country. The hours spent there rolled by really fast. Before I knew it, the time to go home approached. On the bus ride home, most of the people were too tired to be loud. Good.
boredness
(tues, 11*19*02)
What Inuyasha Character are you?
What Lunch Meat Are You?
You are a beautiful person, in a wistful kind of way. If you could, you would spend all your time daydreaming and writing poetry. You are a tragic beauty.
You are sensitive and caring, and you don't take insults well. You don't smile much, but when you do, you really mean it.
People like to be around you because you are a calming influence. You have an appreciation for all things beautiful, and you probably have some potted plants. You also most likely own a cat.
You like Sundays and hot tea. You will spend your entire life yearning for quiet beauty, which is a rarity in this world, so you read a lot.
Everyone you know thinks you're "nice."
Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz
What's your sexual appeal?
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stress reliever
>(mon, 11*18*02)
"Close to Screaming"
I need you to leave me now.
You know exactly how,
Just disappear into the nothingness
Where you'll never be missed
Flee my mind,
Forever causing the kind
Of anticipated ecstasy
That will satisfy me.
Amuse me as you cry.
Please, let out that pitiful sigh.
Your icy eyes cannot adjust
The anguish I will thrust
Into your being.
Don't think I'm mean.
I only attempt to find
A way to release what's in my mind.
I do not hold a need for you.
There's nothing more you can do.
So just go right now,
I honestly don't care how.
(A.N.: Sorry if this sounds kinda sloppy. This was one of those spur of the moment kind of thing. But, hey, I'm proving my point and that's all I really want to do.
good times
(sat, 11*16*02)
Well, what can I say except that I have fun. Yup, lots of fun!! A couple hours after school I went over to J.D.’s. We had pizza, listened to great music (go RHPS!!) and talked to people on the net. Then Josh picked us up and we went to Gurnee Mills. (side note: when Josh walked into the house, James {J.D.'s little brother}asked, "Is that Anna's dad?" LOL!! Good thing Shelly corrected him.) J.D. went with Sarah, Sarah, Courtney, Mike, Jessie and Rich to see the Harry Potter movie. I’m not that big of a fan and neither is Josh so we did some other stuff during that movie.
First off, we watched Love Hina on his laptop in his car. Yay!! because I've never seen it before. ^^ However, when a mall security person drove by he noticed that the windows were all steamed up from us sitting there so long. I wonder what he thought we were doing . . . Anyways, Josh got out and explained everything and just to be on the safe side, we decided to go in and play DDR.
I met two of his friends there and they seem pretty nice. ^^ We played DDR for a while until it looked like it was time for the movie to end, and that's when we went outside to wait for J.D. The big group of movie watchers came out and then we were off.
Josh, J.D. and I went to Shake ‘n Steak for something to eat. I’m sure that J.D. scared the waiter a few times. More power to her!! ^^ French fries are yummy!!
After that it was time to go back to J.D.'s. Darn. Well it's all good. I'm still happy about the fun I had last night and can't wait to do something like that again. Yay!! ^^
the filter
(tues, 11*12*02)
Alrighty, I’ve changed my mind about college. Looks like Northern Illinois University is better suited for me than Carthage. Why? Because they have Early Childhood Education, something I really want to major in. Plus, I was introduced to the minor of Southeast Asian Studies. It sounds so interesting! NIU also has a ton of clubs so I won’t ever get bored. They even have their own bus line for all the students. I sent in my application a little while ago and hope to hear something from them soon. Another good thing is that at least one of my friends will be attending NIU so I won’t get too lonely. Yay for college!!
quizzes galore
(sat, 11*09*02)
Quiz by Crazy Pocky.
discover what candy you are @ stvlive.com
find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com
What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm Angelic Cute!! made by Jen
attempted poetry
(fri, 11*08*02)
Distortion in Myself
The silence will not break
Since there are plenty smiles to fake.
I'm corrosively laughing on the outside
While screaming within the inside.
So I cry alone,
Not letting others see
The lovely pathos of distress
That has filtered into me.
Pleasure begins to take on pain
While I collapse with the strain.
Anguish wants to claim control
As my euphoria decides to go.
Decisions not easily made
Are those which choose,
If the elated or cursed
Will prevail or lose.
bananas and nuts covered in cream . . .
(sat, 11*02*02)
I think that staying over at Teffie’s last night was great on so many levels. (Ah!! Wait a sec you perves!! I don’t mean it *that* way.)
First off, there was the fun. So much joking and playing and teasing between us. ^^ Yay!! Bonus point for me occurred when I found that Nick is scared of me. Mua ha ha!! I chased him around the house a few times . . . heeheehee!! Early into the morning, Teffie and I slept for a few hours and when we woke up was very hungry. Teffie’s mom gave us some money for breakfast and the two of us went out to Happy Bill’s. Yummy!
Next is the intellectual part. Since Teffie and I were left alone for quite a few hours at a time, we got into some deep conversations. I’m so happy we were able to do that cause I feel that it’s strengthened our relationship. Hopefully there’ll be more opportunities like that with her along with my other close friends.
Heeheehee!!
See what drug you are.
Hey Courtney . . . lookie at this!!
Which Sims Edition Are You?
Which Weiß Woman Are You?
one strange thing after another
(sat, 10*26*02)
An odd thing happened this morning. I dreamt that Mama woke me up at 6 a.m. to get ready to take the ACT. Then, at 7 a.m., she came downstairs and was in shock that I was still sleeping (because I should’ve been ready to go at that time). I got dressed, took a shower and collected my testing supplies as fast as I could. On the way to school, I told Mama about my dream. She just said, “Anna, you weren’t dreaming. I actually woke you up at 6, you even talked me.” I guess I must’ve been really sleepy.
I took the ACT. No biggie. I mean, it wasn’t easy but I didn’t freak out about it either. When that was done I went home, ate lunch and called Sarah B.
She came over and we started to work on our English Project. We found that we were short of some resources so we went to the library. While there, some random guy walked up to Sarah and asked what book she was reading. After she answered he walked off towards the shelves. It was, to say the least, unusual. Once he found a book he sat next to Sarah. Poor girl. That’s when we decided it was time to make some photocopies and get out of there. Our next stop was Target. As we walked down the isles to find a binder, an older man watched us as we passed him by. I mean, he really watched us . . . scary. Sarah later told me that he was even with his wife and children. Eeewwwiiieee!! On the way back to my house, I’m pretty sure there was a drunk driver in front of us. He nearly turned onto the sidewalk, instead of the intersection some feet ahead. The guy slowed down, turned on his signal light and was about to drive onto the curb when he realized what he was doing. Now that was funny. Back at my house, we divided the essays, played DDR and watched parts of a movie. Sarah left around 6 p.m.
My, how interesting a day it’s been.
paz
(mon, 10*21*02)
It’s fun to go out with friends. Kissy picked me up some time after noon on Sunday. We went to get Sarah G. at her house but didn’t quite make it there. I think we were on 173 when a van in front of us pulled over to the curb for no apparent reason. Kissy and I were confused. Then the door opened and out came Sarah. Yay!! She got into the car with us and then we went to Josh’s. We arrived at his house and stayed for a few minutes before heading out to the Zap. Two boys (I already forgot their names ^^”) were unlucky enough to ride with us there. I think Sarah and I scared them cause we were very, very hyper. A while later, we were at our destination. Laser tag was nice. The first game I played had me, Kissy, Josh and Sarah on one team against all the other kiddies and we won. Then it was to the DDR machine. I played with Kissy lots. Another round of laser tag involved most of our group plus a few kiddies against some unknown guys. We didn’t win this time, but that’s okay. Then Josh and I played DDR. I lost!! I think we all know what that means. Sarah’s great, she said she’d also take part in my end of the bet. Yay!! ^^ It was about 5:10 p.m. when everyone was ready to go home. Right before we left, Kissy, Sarah and I were sitting on the trunk of Josh’s car. One of the kiddies looked and me and Kissy, kinda puzzled. So we said that we’re lesbians. It was a very rewarding moment was when he actually believed it. We also pointed out that we plan get married and have Sarah as our 3rd wife. I think he freaked out about that. Little kids will think anything is true if you say it convincingly enough. ^^
feathered creatures
(fri, 10*18*02)
During Art class today I saw a huge flock of geese flying. I couldn’t help myself from thinking about them. Maybe I was inspired or something.
Have you ever noticed how they never seem to be bothered about the way other birds think of them? I could be wrong. They might squawk at each other about petty things, but at least they do it in private so that no one else is involved. They’re either very smart or it must be because there’s already an order in which they must follow, so they’ve never had to figure themselves out. It’s already been planned for them, probably even long before they were born. Birds need not worry about finding someone. Heck, they only mate to reproduce. They don’t really have to worry about other birds. Unless, of course, they’re bringing up a chick. But besides that there’s no reason for birds to worry about others in their flock. They eat, sleep, travel, socialize and make baby birdies. How fortunate they are to hold such a simple life. Whenever things get rough, they can just fly. Fly far away from their troubles, able to leave it all behind them in the wind. Unfortunately enough, I don’t have wings. I’m on the ground. I can’t leave. Maybe, one day, I’ll build myself a pair of wings. Or I’ll find some. Either way, I hope that the wings will be able to help me reach a place far into the blue of the sky. Just far enough to let my problems go. Really let them go and never have to worry about them again. But that’s silly, there isn’t a person in the world who’s not dealing with a negative turn of events.
What’s wrong with me? My little section about the geese I saw during school turned out to be much more than I expected. Oh well, it’s okay. I’m sure you guys don’t mind me going off track once and a while. And if you do, tough luck.
more . . .
(tues, 10*15*02)
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blah blah blah . . .
(fri, 10*04*02)
Okay. Just a little note to all the readers out there that I’m gonna complain.
I’m fed up with how some people are. Now, I understand that people hold unpleasant traits, but some of them have just become too much for me to handle with politeness. What I’m trying to say is that some people need to mellow out, take a deep breath, realize the hell you’re putting others through and just learn to be quiet (not totally quiet, just know when to stop talking).
For instance, I know this one person who wants attention. I mean, she’s screaming for it. I can’t remember a day when she’s not saying how much pain she’s in or how the world is against her or commenting on others who, for some unknown reason, aren’t happy with her. Please, just stop the severe description of your everyday life before I snap.
I know of another person who bitches about everything that goes on in her life, no matter how unimportant it is. Sometimes I want to slap her. Just go up and punch her in the face or stomach and leave her to cry. I know it sounds mean but, hey, I’m not perfect.
There’s one more girl who can’t seem to give me a break. I’m always doing the wrong thing unless it’s what she wants. We’re really close, sisterly close, and I’m afraid it’ll all fall apart very soon. She’s constantly saying how I’m not right or tells me to leave her alone. I know that this doesn’t sound good. Yet through it all, my relationship with this person is one that I want to keep for the rest of my life. I’m unsure if I can say the same concerning the previous two examples.
That’s all I want to write about today. I think I’m starting to sound insensitive. Oh well. Writing this is making me feel better.
why is it . . .
(thur, 10*03*02)
I don’t understand people. They can be so harmful when they choose to be.
Mama is going through so much and it seems as though her coworkers and bosses don’t care. So she quit. I still think she’s a wonderful woman. Her resigning when things got hard doesn’t make me think less of her at all. It’s just that she couldn’t do it anymore. They put so much stress onto her plus there was a lot of emotional crap they put her through.
I’m happy she stopped working there. It just makes things easier. She no longer talks about how difficult a day she had. She doesn’t feel as if she’s not doing good enough. She’s not tired from working so much. Mama is actually in a good mood, something that I haven’t seen in a while.
But now she’s deciding what her new job will be. I wish she could stay home forever. It gets lonely coming home from school and nobody’s there when you’re very used to having someone greet you and ask how your day was. I guess I missed her being there whenever I needed her. She’s always been available, but now there’s so much more time because she’s not occupied with much outside of our family. Sadly enough, I know that her staying home will end very soon. She’s already sent out applications to so many places that she’s bound to find a job before too long.
I suppose it’s okay. I mean, at least she’s happy right now and so am I.
they just keep on coming . . .
(fri, 9*27*02)
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staying home
(mon, 9*23*02)
It was a horrible morning. I woke up coughing. No big deal. But about 10 minutes before I left for school I almost threw up twice cause I was coughing so hard. Mama said to stay home, so I did. I fell asleep and woke up a couple hours later feeling fine. Then my nose started running. It was very icky. I used up practically a whole role of toilet paper cause I couldn’t find a box of tissues. Later on, I made lunch (ramen!!) and took some more drugs. I went back to sleep. Then around 2:30 p.m. I got up and was really dizzy. I mean, I couldn’t walk in a straight line if my life depended on it. So I gave up and went back to sleep. The next time I woke up I felt better. I feel tired, but better. So I guess I’ll be at school tomorrow . . . with lots of make up work. Oh well, at least now I’ll only have a four day week. ^^
a month late b-day party
(sat, 9*14*02)
Today, Laura had her B-Day Party from 1-5 p.m. and I had my share of fun.
At about noon I picked up Wolfy. Of course I didn’t drive to her house all by myself, Mama came with. At my house she demonstrated some magic tricks, we listened to more music in German and aimlessly walked through the halls.
Then the kiddies arrived. When everyone came we went to see Spy Kids 2. Before it started, we were all joking around. I guess we were too noisy cause the manager told us to be quiet. ^^” Oops. Afterwards, we went home where Laura opened her presents. She was very happy about all the stuff she received. Then we ate the cake I made and some ice cream. Yummy!! When our tummies were full, everyone went to my room to play DDR. It was great. The kiddies looked so funny as they played. ^^ Everyone but Wolfy left at about 5:00 p.m. cause that’s when we kicked the kiddies out. ^^
Laura, Wolfy and I continued to play DDR and ate pizza. Never play DDR right after you eat dinner cause you just might give yourself a tummy ache. ^^” I took Wolfy home at 8:00. When I got home, I spent some more time with Laura then put her to bed.
Shoot . . . I have lots of homework to do tomorrow since I didn’t do any of it today.
yummy
(fri, 9*13*02)
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an extra note
(sat, 9*7*02)
Dedicated to my friends who need something uplifting
Dreams
By Van Halen
World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin down
Better change your tune
Reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby just spread your wings
We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
leave it all behind
Run, run, run, away
Like a train runnin
off the track
The truth gets left behind
And falls between the cracks
Standing on broken dreams
But never losing sight
Spread your wings
We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
leave it all behind
So baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you've cried
Ohh that's what dreams
are made of
Oh baby we belong in a world
that must be strong
Ohh that's what dreams
are made of
We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
leave it all behind
Higher and higher who knows
what we'll find
And in the end on dreams
we will depend
Cause thats what love is made of
c a r t h a g e
(sat, 9*7*02)
Alright, I know I want to go to Carthage. I must go to Carthage. I’ve said before that I was planning to go there. But now I really, really have to go to Carthage.
This morning I went on a tour of the college with my family. As I expected, Teffie was there with her mom and Nick. The tour started with a man showing us a presentation of useful facts about Carthage. You know . . . when it was established, how many people are enrolled, how they help us find scholarships and so forth. When he was done, we had a student show us the fun stuff. She let us see her room, which was pretty small. But she had a great view of the lake. We looked at some classrooms, the pool, the indoor track and finally the cafeteria, where everyone had lunch.
Teffie and I talked about how great it would be if we could have a dorm room together. After all, we were told that you could pick your roommate. Mrs. Jansen and Daddy both agreed that we should live on campus. Mama’s still unsure about it. That’s okay, I still have a while to convince her otherwise. Teffie and I were so excited as we thought of what we’d do and what we’d put in our room if we stayed at Carthage. ^^
After lunch, my family and I had to go finish up a few more errands before the day ended. I left Carthage feeling excited to start college. Now I just have to live through the rest of my senior year . . .
ich spreche deutsch
(thur, 9*5*02)
Well, I’m still unsure about a small number of situations that’s going on around me. But I’m not upset. It’s okay to be confused about a few things. So all in all, I’m in a good mood right now. ^^
I’m listening to some songs in German that Wolfy put onto a CD for me. They’re so funny!! YMCA is great, but when they spell out the letters I want to say them in English. - -” After a few more rounds of listening to the song, I think I’ll have it memorized. Then I can go to school and sing YMCA in German during passing periods and lunch. Mua ha ha!! No . . . maybe not.
I’m really excited about Saturday morning cause I’ll be going on a tour of Carthage. Teffie’s going too. Yay!! The only bad thing about going to Carthage is that I need to get several scholarships. I don’t feel like writing essays or whatever else you have to do. I still have to talk to Dr. Budzik (senior class counselor) to see if she can help me find some. I, as well as many other students, can’t stand that woman. She gives me the creeps.
Homework’s calling to me (yes, I can hear paper and books talk ^^) so I’ve gotta get going. Oh joy . . .
an addition
(mon, 9*2*02)
Some of the verses are very similiar to how I feel right now. So here it is, an addition to my list of songs.
Runaway Train
By Soul Asylum
Call you up in the middle
of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a
blowtorch burning
I was a key that could
use a little turning
So tired that I couldn’t
even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep
It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
there’s no way out
This time I have really led
my self astray
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be
getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here
nor there
Can you help me remember
how to smile?
Make it somehow all
seem worthwile?
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life’s mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one
else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin’
in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
And everything seems
cut-and-dried
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don’t believe it
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be
getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here
nor there
Bought a ticket for a
runaway train
Like a madman laughing
at the rain
A little out of touch,
a little insane
It’s just easier than
dealing with the pain
Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be
getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here
nor there
Runaway train,
never coming back
Runaway train,
tearing up the track
Runaway train,
burning in my veins
I run away, but it always
seems the same
another useless quiz
(sat, 8*31*02)
What Drink Are You?
staying out late
(sat, 8*31*02)
I’ve made it through my first full week of school and there’s still many, many more to go. I’m pretty sure that this year won’t be easy since I’m already having trouble with a few of the classes. >< But I expected confusion before school started, so I’m not surprised.
I went over to Teffie’s house today. Yay!! I got to stay till 11 p.m.!! Now, I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal to you guys, but consider the fact that I’ve never been out any later than 9 p.m. before. So . . . yay!! ^^ There’s hope for me.
Teffie’s mom picked me up, we ran a few errands then went to their house. I waited all of five minutes until Teffie got home. We ate pizza and joked around. (I heard something Ben said that was twisted around so now I have blackmail!! Or a way to get him embarrassed . . .) Then Teffie and I went outside to watch the fire (it was controlled) and talk. We yapped a while till she wanted to show me some AMVs. They were great, especially the little hentai clip. ^^ Afterwards, we chatted with some people via AIM. Kissy went on the net and we convinced her to come over. ^^ Then Teffie, Kissy and I went to sit outside and . . . you guessed it . . . talked some more. When we were all toasty warm, we headed inside. Then it was time for me to go - -” Not good. I wish I could’ve slept over, but I have to go to the eye doctor the next morning. I need my sleep or else my eyes don’t focus well and when I take the test where you read the letters I’ll do extremely bad and the doctor will give me the wrong prescription and when I get my new glasses they’ll screw up my eyes even more and they’ll get rapidly worse and . . . and . . . and I don’t wanna take that chance.
So I think I should go to bed now. Night everyone and sorry about not updating for such a long time. ^^”
so early in the morning
(sat, 8*24*02)
Right now, I'm searching for the names of current world leaders for the test I'll have on them on Monday for government class. >< I'm trying to stop the stress by listening to Train. Yay!! ^^ Here's one of their songs.
"Something More"
I just opened up my eyes
And let the world
come climbing in
It's all better now, things are gonna work somehow
If I just sleep another hour
Tried to reach you at your mom's
Hey baby why you trying to keep away for so long
I stopped feeling good,
somehow I just knew I would
I guess I'll sleep another hour
Feels like I'm wasting my time
Hanging on this same old line
Got to get you off of my mind
There's nothing left
for me to find
And all the more I want
All the more I need
All the while you
want something more
All the more I want
All the more I need
All the while you
want something more
Thought I found the words to say
Just to get you feeling fine
over heels my way
But it don't matter how
I lost the word
and nerve and now
There's nothing more
for me to say
Feels like I'm wasting my time
Hanging on this same old line
There's nothing left
for me to find
And all the more I want
All the more I need
All the while you
want something more
All the more I want
All the more I need
All the while you
want something
There's nothing left
for me to say
Wanting what I need this way
And when I'm feeling low I know
I need to stop
And someday you will see
All the more you want
All the more you'll need me
All the while I'll be on
to something more
And all the more you want
All the more you'll need me
All the while I
want something more
I want something more
I want something more than this
s c h o o l
(fri, 8*23*02)
I think I like school. It’s hard but I still like it, even if I’m always complaining.
I start my day off with 3-D Art with Ms. Muff. She’s such a great teacher. ^^ Then I have Pre-Calculus with Ms. Goss. There’s a student teacher in that class and sometimes I think she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to teach us. ><” That’s okay. Afterwards I go to Study Hall. I’m trying to get out of there by being an aid for Frau Derer’s German 1 class during that period. Then I’m off the P.E. with Ms. Rosenquist. That class is no big deal for me since it’s full of lots of extremely lazy people who’ll make me look like a super athlete. Mua ha ha!! Anyways . . . The next class I go to AP English 4. Ms. Womack is so nice. There’s not even 20 kids in that class so we get lots of attention. However, I must confess that it’s my worst class. It’s not Ms. Womack’s fault, I’m just not as good at English as the other subjects. Then Lunch/Advisory follows. I was so bummed when I realized I was put into a different advisory. I didn’t know anyone, but that’s alright cause I don’t mind not talking to people. Then comes the worst passing period I have to deal with. I must go through two huge difficulties in the halls. The fist is between the cafeterias, IMC, bookstore and two hallways. The other is on the top floor, the one hallway that is emptied into by 5 other hallways. (sorry if this is confusing, but people who go to ZBTHS will know what I’m talking about) I barely make it to Mr. Hansen’s CP American Government class in time. (What were those people smoking when they decided to give me only 5 minutes to get from one end of the school to another?!?!) Mr. Hansen is very funny, he’s the only teacher I know who swears in front of students and doesn’t try to cover it up. Then comes my favorite class for two reasons. German 2!! Last period of the day!! Yay!! ^^ Frau Derer is the best high school teacher that ever lived.
Homework’s been piled up and I’ve only been at school for 2 days. I’ve already got a test on Monday, some quizzes next week and an essay, which has yet to be explained. Plus I’m pretty sure that a group project will appear sometime soon.
song to share
(wed, 8*21*02)
I'll Stand By You
By: The Pretenders
Oh
Why you look so sad
tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me, now
Don't
Be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side, too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So, if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey
What you got to hide
I get angry too,
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And
When the night falls on you baby
You're feelin' all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Not so happy (tues, 8*20*02)
Well, here it is. I am finally emotionally opening myself to my friends. I’ve been so worried about their problems lately that I didn’t want to bother them with mine. But last night J-chan and Josh helped me when I needed them. ^^ Thanks.
First off, I want to say that I didn’t enjoy living in the Navy. The only part I did like was being able to experience different cultures. Everything else was horrible. I moved every 3 years so staying in touch with friends was difficult. I went through numerous schools. The military schools were nice, but every so often I had to enroll in a civilian one which made me feel very awkward. I barely got to see Daddy during the weekdays cause he went to work before I woke up and came home late. All things considering, I just wasn’t happy living in the Navy.
Another problem within my family is cancer. I can’t stand it. There are many people in my family who have been through cancer. Mama had to struggle with it last year. Thankfully, she has shown no signs of a relapse. But her brother died from cancer of his brain. That wasn’t easy to go through. I think I was in 6th grade when it happened. We flew to Wisconsin from Japan to see him. He was in a nursing home, looking so weak from all the chemo. We stayed a week in Green Bay cause Laura and I had to go back to school. The day after we got back, my grandparents called to tell us my uncle had passed away. So sometimes cancer kills and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m still really scared whenever I think about it.
That’s all I can stomach writing about. Maybe there’ll be more later.
i'm magical!!
(fri, 8*16*02)
 You are Kinomoto Sakura
You are kind and generous, often underestimating your own abilities. Though you may not often know it, you have a lot of talent. Relying on your friends is both your strong point and your weakness. Take the "What Magic Girl are you?" Quiz
strange tests . . .
(fri, 8*16*02)
Your the boxers. You leave everything to the last minute. Never on
time for anything. And always caring about others before yourself.
Which underwear are you?
Are you a Seme or Uke?
The What Soda Are You Quiz By Vishal
BANANA!
Randomness prevails! What are you?
by krysten
my other selfs
(mon, 8*12*02)
I'm really happy about
this one since she is
one of my favorite
Utena characters.
You're the "baby" of schwarz. You lived a pretty fuxked up childhood just like your teammates. However, it didn't quite make you as psychotic and bitter as the rest of Schwarz. You are generally good-natured and mild-mannered. You're shy, reserved, innocent, and quiet... you also seem to be in love with a psycho girl who is 2yrs your senior. The downfall? You are way too much like Omi...minus the excess tears. You are not only a wuss but highly indecisive and Bradley basically plots your life chart for you. Stop angsting and grow a backbone my boy...
What member of Schwarz are you?
kaboom!!
(wed, 6*31*02)
Welcome!!
First off, I want to say a
huge thank you to Teffie.
Thank You Teffie!!
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